RAVENA, NY – A group of four disc golfers from out of town was finally rescued after spending an entire week trapped in the labyrinthine wilderness of Joralemon Park (J-Park), a course so vast and confusing that even locals are unsure where it begins and ends.
“We just wanted to play a quick round…”
The group, visiting from Pennsylvania, arrived at J-Park last Saturday, excited to “just play a quick 18.” That was their first mistake.
“We asked a local what layout to play, and he just laughed,” said survivor Chad Wilkinson, visibly shaken. “Then he said, ‘Well, do you mean J-North? J-South? J-West? J-27? Or the original 18? But the old original 18, or the new original 18?’ We thought he was joking. He wasn’t.”
Armed with only UDisc and false confidence, the group chose a layout at random and threw their first drives. It would be the last time they knew where they were.
A Week of Confusion and Despair
For the next seven days, the group wandered the sprawling course, trying desperately to make sense of ever-changing tee signs, mismatched hole numbers, and locals casually referring to holes that no longer exist.
“At one point, we thought we finished 18,” recalled group member Brian P., “but then a guy on a bike told us we were on hole 22 of J-East. And that’s when the panic set in.”
On day three, the group attempted to backtrack, only to accidentally start a new round on J-South. On day five, one of them found a basket labeled “Hole 17” but had no memory of ever playing hole 16. The mental toll was immense.
By day six, they had run out of snacks and were surviving on found Nature Valley crumbs and rogue granola bars left behind by previous lost players.
Rescue Comes in the Form of a Local (Who Was Also Lost)
Their salvation came on day seven when they encountered a local player who had also been lost for an indeterminate amount of time.
“I’ve been out here since Tuesday,” said the rescuer, who introduced himself as ‘Big Putt Randy.’ “I just accepted my fate and started living off the land.”
Randy, who had played J-Park since the days when it only had 18 holes, was able to use his encyclopedic knowledge of old layouts, new layouts, and unofficial layouts that only exist in local legends to guide the weary travelers back to the parking lot.
Officials Consider Installing Directional Signage (But Probably Won’t)
Following the incident, local disc golf officials have acknowledged that J-Park’s layout may be slightly “incomprehensible” to outsiders. A proposal was made to install signs to clarify which holes belong to which layout, but it was quickly dismissed as “too much work.”
“We could make it easier, but honestly, getting lost at J-Park is a rite of passage,” said one anonymous club member. “If you don’t end up questioning your own reality at least once, did you even play here?”
As for the out-of-towners, they’ve vowed never to return.
“J-Park is a beautiful course, but it’s not a course—it’s a trap,” said Chad. “Next time, we’re just playing a boring old 18-hole course like normal people.”
Meanwhile, Big Putt Randy remains out there, somewhere, guiding lost souls and ensuring that the legend of J-Park lives on.
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