RAVENA, NY – What was supposed to be a standard, mildly miserable winter Team Challenge match between the J-Park Wrenches and the Minekill Whips quickly spiraled into a full-scale survival scenario after a blizzard stranded several Minekill players, an electrical disaster nearly burned down the pavilion, and a penalty point fiasco left everyone questioning reality.
Minekill Players Lost in the Storm
Trouble began before the first putt was even thrown, as multiple Minekill players failed to arrive due to what meteorologists referred to as “a minor snow event” and what disc golfers referred to as “a soul-crushing whiteout from which no man shall return.”
While some Whips wisely stayed home, at least two players braved the journey but never arrived.
“We were tracking their car on UDisc Live, and then poof—they just stopped moving,” said one Minekill captain.
Crock Pot Armageddon: Pavilion Electrical Grid Meets Its Fiery End
While the snowstorm raged outside, another more preventable disaster unfolded inside the J-Park pavilion.
As is Team Challenge tradition, players arrived with enough crock pots to feed a full battalion of hungry disc golfers. Unfortunately, tournament organizers failed to anticipate the consequences of plugging 17 slow cookers into a single aging power strip.
“At first, everything seemed fine,” said one witness. “But then, someone turned their crock pot to ‘High,’ and the lights flickered. A second crock pot hit ‘Keep Warm,’ and I swear I heard the outlet scream.”
At exactly 12:47 PM, the system finally gave out, unleashing a spectacular electrical explosion that sent chili, pulled pork, and a questionable seafood stew flying through the air.
“I was just about to eat,” said one stunned player, wiping beef broth from his face. “Then I saw a fireball and got hit in the chest by a rogue meatball.”
The entire pavilion was plunged into darkness and mild panic, as one player—armed only with a 300-lumen camping lantern—declared himself the new TD. Miraculously, the flames were contained when a well-aimed pot of mac and cheese was dumped onto the electrical box, smothering the fire.
Penalty Points: Confusion, Controversy, and Mild Existential Crisis
Despite the missing players and brief threat of electrocution, the match continued.
With Minekill down multiple players, J-Park was initially awarded the win via penalty points.
“At first, I felt bad,” admitted one J-Park player. “But then I remembered that this was Team Challenge, and feeling bad isn’t part of the rulebook.”
However, the celebration was short-lived, as it was soon discovered that the penalty points had been misapplied. Officials quickly reversed the decision, declaring the match a tie.
What followed was pure, unfiltered chaos.
- One player threw his putter into a snowbank and immediately lost it forever.
- Someone demanded a full forensic audit of the scoring sheets.
- A small group of players refused to acknowledge the result and started their own breakaway disc golf league.
“I still don’t know what happened,” admitted one player. “One moment, we won. The next, we tied. Then I blacked out, and now I’m standing here covered in someone else’s chili.”
A Historic, Disastrous, Yet Somehow Successful Event
Despite losing players to the storm, nearly setting the course on fire, and experiencing a complete scoring breakdown, the match is being hailed as “a pretty standard Team Challenge event.”
The lost Minekill players have yet to be recovered, though sources claim they may be living off of cornbread that was blown into the woods during the pavilion explosion.
Meanwhile, J-Park and Minekill have agreed to a rematch later in the season, assuming that:
- The weather holds up.
- Nobody burns down the pavilion.
- Someone actually reads the rulebook before applying penalty points.
One thing is certain: Team Challenge remains the most ridiculous, chaotic, and unnecessarily dramatic winter disc golf competition in existence.
Final Score:
- Blizzard – 1
- J-Park Wrenches – ?
- Minekill Whips – ??
- The Electrical Grid – KO’d
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