SCHENECTADY, NY – What was meant to be a fun, charity-driven doubles tournament quickly turned into a battle for survival as a rogue gang of turkeys launched a coordinated assault on this year’s Turkey Throwdown at Central Park Schenectady (CPS).**
The tournament, a Thanksgiving tradition in the local disc golf community, started off as expected—brisk fall air, friendly competition, and that one guy complaining about the OB lines. But by hole 3, things took a drastic and deeply terrifying turn.
The First Wave: A Tactical Strike
The first attack came during a tee shot on Hole 6, when an unsuspecting player reached into their bag, only to find a turkey already in it.
“I don’t know how it got in there,” said the shaken player. “One second, I was reaching for my Star Destroyer, the next, I was locked in a staring contest with a very angry bird.”
By the time they recovered, three turkeys had taken over the tee pad, pecking aggressively at anyone who approached.
“None of us wanted to be the first DNF, so we tried to play through,” said another participant. “But the turkeys weren’t having it. One of them actually blocked my putt. Just full-wing spread, stared me down, and knocked my disc away. They weren’t just there—they were competing.”
The Takeover of CPS
By mid-morning, it became clear that the turkeys had taken control of the course.
Players attempting to navigate Hole 9’s wooded fairway found themselves surrounded by a full-on gobbling battalion. A desperate attempt to run to Hole 12 backfired when it was discovered that the turkeys had set up a blockade near the basket.
“It was a level of organization I wasn’t prepared for,” admitted one competitor. “They were running complex formations, controlling the choke points, and cutting off safe routes. I felt like I was in a horror movie—but with birds.”
Some players attempted to bribe the turkeys with snacks, but sources report that the turkeys “did not negotiate” and instead stole a player’s Thanksgiving leftovers straight out of their bag.
The Casualties and Heroics
Several players reported emergency exits, with at least one participant climbing a tree to escape the advancing horde.
“I thought I was safe up there,” said the player. “But then I realized turkeys can fly. That’s when the real panic set in.”
Meanwhile, one brave soul attempted to challenge the birds in a putting contest—but after missing low on a 20-footer, the turkeys simply turned their backs and walked away in disgust.
The Tournament’s Abrupt Conclusion
As the afternoon wore on, tournament officials made the difficult decision to declare the turkeys the winners in order to ensure the safety of human competitors.
“We wanted to finish, but the turkeys literally had people cornered near the practice basket,” said the TD. “At a certain point, you have to respect that level of dominance.”
With the event officially surrendered, the turkeys celebrated in what can only be described as an unsettlingly coordinated victory gobble.
Looking Ahead: How to Prevent Another Turkey Uprising
As next year’s Turkey Throwdown approaches, event organizers are already considering safety measures, including:
- Turkey-proof disc golf bags
- A local volunteer tasked with distracting the birds by throwing them stale bread away from the course
- Hiring an actual falconer as tournament security
- Accepting that this is their course now and moving the event elsewhere
Despite the chaos, the tournament still raised money for charity, proving that even in the face of an avian coup, disc golfers will persevere.
“I lost my lunch, my pride, and my best putter,” one player admitted. “But hey, it’s for a good cause.”
As for the turkeys? They remain at CPS, waiting, watching… and preparing for next year’s rematch.
Final Score: Turkeys – 1, Disc Golfers – 0.
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